We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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