Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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