Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
