summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
