god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
