Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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