y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
