Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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