Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
