hell yes lets make some ravioli
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
