You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
