I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
