I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
