it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This house was built for laser tag.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
