It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
