he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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