she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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