He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
