too bad you live with your parents still
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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