Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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