is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were destined to go to rehab together
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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