I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
