I'm really into asian looking animals
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
