Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
