And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i dont even know how to be here
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
