I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize