peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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