She said her name was "party"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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