youre lurking in front of me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
