I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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