Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
