We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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