I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm really into asian looking animals
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
