I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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