shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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