Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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