He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize