Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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