dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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