real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
