Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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