Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
