No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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