dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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