My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
