In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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