i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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