i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
