my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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