She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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