$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize