All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
