I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
