yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
...so i touched it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
