I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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