The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
