..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
