I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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