There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
