We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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