Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
