He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
